


Ghosts In the Darkness

by mydocuments



Category: Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, I love Gwen Stacy and hate that she died, Past Character Death, Past Peter Parker/Gwen Stacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22181140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydocuments/pseuds/mydocuments
Summary: "Did you know that I was engaged once? When I was twenty. Her name was Gwen."In a quiet, early morning, Felicia learns an important part of Peter's past.
Relationships: Felicia Hardy/Peter Parker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	Ghosts In the Darkness

Felicia’s not sure what wakes her, if it’s the colored lights filtering in through Peter’s worn curtains, or the clatter of the sanitation crew dumping recycling bins in the early morning hours. Or still, if it was Peter shifting beside her, because she sees now that he’s sitting on the edge of his bed, body thrown into silhouette from the dim glow of the streetlights, head hung low in his hands.

The skin at the small of his back is damp with sweat when she reaches out, trailing her fingers over the fine hairs dusting his hips, before rolling to him in his too-small double bed. "Everything all right, lover?" She pitches her voice low in the darkness of the room, but she knows that Peter’s already aware of her stirring behind him.

"I’m fine," his voice is short, his tone clipped. "Sorry to wake you."

Felicia pushes down the stab of hurt at the dismissal. They’re new at this, struggling to see if they still fit together when they move from the exciting glamour of secret identities and stolen hotel rooms to the quiet intimacy of personal spaces and public dates. Instinctively she wants to withdraw, to roll away and cover her face with a pillow, ignore whatever is happening in the private world of Peter's mind. But for once, Felicia ignores her instincts.

She sits further up in the bed, gathering the bedclothes around them, laying her cheek between the sharp contours of Peter’s shoulder blades. His muscles flex and ripple with his deep breath; that breath sounds like it holds the weight of the world.

"I’m up now," she tells him, wrapping strong arms around his midsection. She rubs her cheek into the back of his neck, like the cat she's named for. Peter allows it when she pulls him back into the sheets after a moment, maneuvering them so she’s propped on some pillows and his head is in her lap. Even in this restful position, his muscles are taut with nervous energy. "Wanna tell me about it?"

Peter sighs again and mutters a _not really_ into her stomach, but Felicia’s as patient as a cat as well and she’s willing to wait it out. After a minute or so of carding nails through his thick, dark hair, he starts to relax against her. After a few minutes more, she wonders if she's managed to lull him back into sleep, but then he starts to talk.

"Did you know that I was engaged once?" He asks, then goes on without waiting for her to answer. "When I was twenty. Her name was Gwen."

Felicia’s heard of Gwen, of course, has heard her mentioned on the couple of occasions where she’s met Peter’s friends. The first time in uncharitable gossip, wondering how Parker managed to sandwich a red-headed supermodel between two stacked, gorgeous blondes. The other time only in whispers, whiffs of tragic backstory that Felicia hasn’t had the time to investigate further.

"What happened, lover boy, she leave you at the altar?" She immediately regrets her attempt to lighten the mood. Peter looks up at her with his brown eyes soft and sad; suddenly, she knows how the story ends before he even says a word. 

"She died," he says simply, his voice flat and toneless. "She died and it was my fault. I couldn’t save her."

Felicia doesn't know what to say, has always done poorly with too much vulnerability on display, but it's impossible not to ache at the pain in Peter's voice, so she tries her best. "We lose people in this line of work. That doesn't make it your fault."

"That doesn't make her any less dead." The bitterness in his tone stings like a slap. 

Something she's learned about Peter in the time they've spent together is how readily he wields his anger as a weapon, pushing away anyone who might try to get close. It's ostensibly in the pursuit of his precious secret identity, but Felicia's always suspected there was more to it than that.

She chooses her words carefully, treading so _so_ lightly, his hurt sparking rare feelings of protectiveness. "Do you want to tell me about her?" She leans in, brushes a dry kiss to Peter's temple. "Or you can just lay here and I'll pet you until you fall asleep?"

He thinks about it, looking up at her with a considering gaze that goes on moments too long, but Felicia can’t look away. Whatever she's showing on her face must be enough for him, because he settles his head further into her lap and starts to speak.

"Gwen was..." he trails off, then starts again. "Gwen was smart, and funny, and beautiful and we... we were happy together."

Felicia runs her hands all over Peter's upper body, massaging the hard muscles and healing bruises while he talks. She listens to him remember the story of a girl named Gwen, how she started out as his lab partner in freshman Chemistry, but quickly grew into something more. Her heart twists when he describes her knee skirts and headbands, the cherry lip gloss she favored, and the way her smile could light up a room. She should feel jealous, but it’s hard to envy a dead girl.

Peter works himself up to what must be the conclusion of the tale; Felicia wants to tell him it’s okay to stop, he doesn’t have to go on, but like a car crash, she can’t make herself look away. Hearing him describe how it felt when Gwen fell, the way her body went slack at the end of his webline; Felicia’s heart breaks to hear it. It explains so much about him to her. His tautly held sense of responsibility and honor is too sharp, too strong to be blamed on the loss of an uncle alone. 

He falls silent after that, staring at her with an uncertain expression, eyes haunted and jaw clenched, as though he’s waiting for her to pass judgment. Felicia doesn’t have any to give; she’s fucked up more in her life than Peter could ever manage to do. Instead she curls into him, noses nearly touching; her hair falls down over them, cocooning them both and blocking the outside from intruding in.

"Thank you for trusting me with this," she murmurs against his mouth. It feels somehow like a turning point.

Peter's touch is soft as he combs through the tangled silver strands of her hair with calloused fingers. "Hey, you know I trust you, right? I trust you with my life, Felicia."

"This is different," she whispers, because of course it's different.

"It is," he agrees, "you're right, it is. Everything's different these days." He doesn't elaborate further, just shifts them both so they're laying next to one another. He rests his chin on her shoulder, one arm thrown across her waist. Felicia turns into him, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders.

She holds Peter close, rubbing the soft skin at the nape of his neck as he falls back asleep, easily tonight, for a man so frequently plagued by sleepless nights. For once, sleep eludes Felicia, and she lays there in the gloom of the early hours, counting Peter's soft, slow breaths, and keeping away the ghosts in the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the ever delightful Shoshanna Gold, for a beta in a fandom she knows nothing about! She is the ultimate pal Xx


End file.
